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I'm a healthy person who runs every day and drinks the appropriate amount of water, but there's something about a a Netflix-binge while trolling Reddit AMAs and GIF blogs from my laptop that makes me want an impressive amount of Taco Bell (Crunch Wrap Supreme and two Meximelts no pico sauce, please and thanks!) laid before me. The Internet just goes hand-in-hand with this gluttony. Seriously, we like our fast food and we like it super-sized, greasy, and on the regular. If you are, like me, a United States citizen, then you, like me, are aware that we are a nation of fatty fat fatties. surveys to typecast women as Facebook-obsessed divas WTF, Internet? Overexposed celebs don’t get to pick which parts of their life go viral WTF, Internet? Online dating now needs its own red-light district WTF, Internet? Why did you have to go and steal Christmas? In Indonesia, Internet companies need to either pay up or get out Some things just aren’t meant to exist IRL. But gather up your remaining dignity and let it live online and online alone. It’s time to retire the out loud hashtag you all had some fun.

Think about it: It would make zero sense to type out “hashtag” on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram.

New york foodie hashtags twitter series#

Our language will be a series of exchanges composed of spoken hashtags followed by phrases like “that just happened,” “yikes,” and “yolo.” We won’t express anything or verbalize reactions. We will become a people who don’t string together sentences or explain ourselves. He’s already addicted! Why are you trying to push him deeper into ruin!?Īt this rate, with actual, dollar rewards to be had for debasing ourselves, the out-loud hashtag will never die.

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That’s like telling a crack addict that you’ll give him some heroin next time he smokes crack. But JCPenney took it all incredibly literally by offering cash for hashtags. We’ve been trained that being users yields rewards. Sure, we can blame that all-encompassing thing called “the media” for subverting our autonomy and planting hashtags in our brains. You feel like these typed, screen-trapped confessionals are real, and thus, saying hashtag out loud just works its way into your subconscious until one day … you say it out loud. In our small, stupid brains, tweets are confused for talking, Facebook posts for conversations. You’re encouraged to use hashtags, and you see them everywhere.

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Everything comes with its own hashtag package: Sporting events, TV shows, albums, brands, restaurants. It would make zero sense to type out “hashtag” on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram.It’s not entirely your fault, though. Hashtags have become a horrible convention we lean on to sarcastically add commentary to our reactions or feelings … except they’re so artless it just immediately bums everybody out. If what you’re about to say is so vague and meaningless that you feel the need to attach the spoken hashtag to it, it’s probably not worth saying at all. By saying ‘hashtag,’ I am building off of these preconceived notions and making a joke about the things we all know to be true about them. “Hashtag, parents, amirite?” is supposed to mean “I am making a statement about parents that we as a society identify with because of our similar backgrounds. You think it attaches you to everything obvious about whatever topic you’re talking about. Saying hashtag out loud is a crutch it’s basically a preface alerting everyone around you: “Hold up gang, I’m about to say something that is so dry and pointless on its own that I’m going to tack on this weird signifier!” If you say “hashtag,” I basically know it’s OK for me to stop listening. It’s a reference to the Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake sketch … in which they take many punches at people who say “hashtag” in real life. #Tomorrow #is #HashtagDay #at #jcp #Say #HashtagOffer #AtCheckout #ForA #10off25 #Offer #DetailsAndExclusionsInStore #ThatsHowWeDo The store recently gave customers $10 to $25 off their purchases if they say the word “hashtag” at check out. There’s something to be said for that, because the last thing this world needs is another brand screaming “Look! We’re trendy! We’re with it!” at the top of their lungs, competing with weird, irrelevant Twitter campaigns or creeptastic Facebook ads.īut alas, JCPenney has succumbed. It’s not particularly flashy or hip, but that’s fine. It’s a perfectly respectable store that I have some fond childhood memories of as one of the few “regular” shops we went to for back-to-school shopping that carried uniform-friendly clothes. WTF, Internet? I went Christmas shopping on Pinterest and this is the crap I found WTF, Internet? Instagram printing has jumped the shark

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This printer searches Instagram for your #hashtag, then prints out free photos